Hurt

I’m afraid to be lonely

all alone with my demons

stuck in the wrong mindset

waiting to break

 

I’ve made bad decisions

all I have is this degree

I’m searching for reasons

to keep me from leaving

 

I have so much to say

but I don’t speak

cause nobody told me

the truth hides

in the flutter

of a heart beat.

 

Hold me close

to see my pain

and all the irony.

 

Crying on the shower floor

it hits

me in the chest

how every day I slip

cause once I let go

I know you’ll be gone.

 

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What do I know

the revolution is comin’

i’ve seen people marchin’

in the streets today

i’ve tried to paint the picture

set the scene

but everyone

is worried about

net growth

exponential growth

and what do i know

i’ve got this pen

wonderin’ if anythin’

i say will stick to them


don’t say that

go out make a change

but if i fall

and there is no one around

will i crash

will i make a sound

will they pass

will i be found

but i’ve got this pen

and i’ll sit here

and continue writin’ to them

“I’m on the outside, I’m looking in

love will change the world

but I’m just a girl with a pen

Ode to a Jar

screams float

in a clear jar filled with

dew

yesterday’s dew

the rain was soft

like your face

before

the iron smashed it

into a million pieces

i hate the game

you make me play

i count the tiles

i memorize my taste buds

i focus on one ceiling fan

i stop thinking

i stop imagining

except

when i see the jar

i transform

i have a purpose

Heart Breaks and Head Aches

I’ve kept quiet

I’ve been shushed

as floors creak

and my ceilings weep.

I faintly hear the deadening

of one’s heart beat.

It’s getting warmer outside

can’t you tell

the devil will be rising

from hell.

Little carrot tops procreate

right outside

my tiny white fenced gate

I shut my eyes

as the last

snowflake melts.

We only have

a couple of days

and I wish for the lies

to die.

I’ve kept quiet

I’ve been shushed

as people scream

for the rising

of their KING.

RED

You’re a junkie wannabe

and i’m the cracked glass

perched on the windowsill

where you keep cigarette ash.

 

facedown

my head is too deep

You sigh shamelessly

like leaves whistling against the wind.

 

You told me

“never to be a chaser of the light

because yellow is a happy color”

You say I’m a cliché

but I love the way

my skin soaks in midday.

 

yellow sun

yellow house

yellow car

yellow fish

 

i can’t help but smile

i know i’m falling higher

 

dear dillon

do you ever think about

how your tongue feels

sitting, plotting

against the teeth

who just ripped off

a slice of my

heart

 

do you ever think about me

how I left with your dog

and your porcelain palm tree

that you stole from St. Augustine.

I told you I would never part

away from that palm tree.

 

do you ever think about eggs

specifically how scrambled eggs

are delicious

little chicken miscarriages.

I think about it every morning

cracking two or three

over the steaming pan

i used

to smash your mirror.

ps

your mom called me yesterday

you left the stove on and Sparkles

your cat burned her paws off

you paralyzed your cat.

Crash Cracked

I’ve been told

time heals all wounds.

Tell that to my living room

who never recovered from

Grandma’s four door Explorer.

It’s not her fault

she mixed vodka

with her spicy enchiladas

dipped in three day old salsa.

I was temporarily blind

and confined to keep

her in a

you know

Grandma state of mind

but she cried and whined

like a snotty tooth child

who wasn’t the first in line

to see the bunny

burst head first

from the black

hat’s silk thread.

The crash cracked

her teeth against

cracked concrete.

Blood spurtled

from her empty sockets

forming little red raindrops

racing down the beige dashboard

down down

to the center of Willie Nelson’s

red head bandana.

Her toes were crinked n’ crackled

and her hip hopped next to her left cheek.

She smelt like a

dusty red chair

marinating in roach repellent.

PapaSam saw her and said 4 words

Give her ten minutes